Let’s be honest, talking about sex can feel awkward.

Even if you’re confident in other parts of your life, saying what you like (or don’t like) in bed can bring up embarrassment, nerves, or the fear of “making it weird”.

The good news?
You’re not bad at communication, you’re just human. And it does get easier.

Why it feels so awkward

Most of us weren’t taught how to talk about sex properly. We grow up with:

• Vague sex education
• TV that skips the conversations
• A lot of “they should just know”

So, when it comes to saying what we want, we worry about:

• Hurting someone’s feelings
• Being judged
• Killing the mood
• Sounding inexperienced (or too experienced)

All of that is normal.

Start small (you don’t need a big speech)

Talking about sex doesn’t have to mean a serious sit-down conversation.

You can start with:

• “I really liked that.”
• “Can we try something a bit slower/faster?”
• “I’m curious about trying…”
• “That’s not really my thing, but I like when you…”

Small comments build confidence and they still count as communication.

Timing matters (hint: not mid-panic)

The best time to talk isn’t when you’re stressed, rushed, or already uncomfortable.

Good moments include:

• Before sex
• After sex
• While cuddling
• Even over text if that feels easier

You’re allowed to talk about sex outside of sex.

Use humour to lower the pressure

You don’t have to be perfectly smooth. A bit of humour can help everyone relax.

Things like:

• “This is the slightly awkward part where I try to explain what I like…”
• “I promise this is easier to say than it sounds.”
• “I’m still figuring this out myself.”

Laughing together doesn’t make it less serious, it makes it more human.

Remember: it’s not a performance review

Talking about what you want isn’t about criticising your partner or grading their skills.

It’s about:

• Feeling comfortable
• Feeling safe
• Enjoying sex together

You can want different things at different times and you’re allowed to change your mind.

Consent goes both ways

Just as you can say what you want, your partner can too.

Good communication means:

• Listening as much as talking
• Respecting “no” without pressure
• Checking in if you’re unsure

If someone reacts badly to honest communication, that’s not a failure on your part.

You’re not weird for wanting what you want

Everyone has preferences. Everyone has boundaries. Everyone feels awkward sometimes.

Talking about sex doesn’t mean you’re demanding, selfish, or “too much”.
It means you’re looking after yourself and your relationships.

Need support or advice?

If you’re struggling with confidence, boundaries, or sexual health questions, Essex Sexual Health Service offers free, confidential, non-judgemental support.

Because feeling good about sex starts with feeling heard.