Finding out you have an STI can be stressful enough, telling someone else about it can feel even harder.

You might be worried about awkwardness, rejection, or being judged. You might even feel embarrassed or ashamed.

Let’s be clear from the start: having an STI is common, treatable, and nothing to be ashamed of.

First: take a breath

STIs don’t say anything about your character, your hygiene, or your choices. Most sexually active people will have one at some point in their lives, often without realising.

Many STIs are:

• Easy to treat
• Manageable with medication
• Not always visible or symptomatic

You’ve done the right thing by getting tested and taking care of your health.

Do I have to tell them?

If you’ve had sex with someone and then test positive, it’s important to let them know, even if it feels uncomfortable.

Telling a partner:

• Helps them get tested and treated
• Reduces the chance of passing it on
• Builds trust and honesty

You’re not “causing a problem”, you’re sharing important health information.

When should I tell them?

As soon as you can, ideally before having sex again.

You don’t need to rush into the conversation the second you get your result, but don’t put it off for weeks either. Choose a time when you both have space to talk and won’t be interrupted.

How do you start the conversation?

There’s no perfect script. Keep it simple, calm, and factual.

You could say:

• “I had a sexual health check and tested positive for an STI. I’m getting treatment, but I wanted to let you know.”
• “I didn’t have any symptoms, but I’ve tested positive and thought it was important to tell you.”
• “This isn’t an easy conversation, but I respect you and wanted to be honest.”

You don’t need to share every detail, just the information they need.

What if you’re worried about their reaction?

It’s normal to be nervous. Some people might need time to process, that doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong.

If someone reacts badly, that’s about their feelings, not your worth. Being honest is responsible, not embarrassing.

And remember: you’re not alone in this.

Why honesty matters

Telling someone you have an STI:

• Protects their health
• Protects your health
• Helps stop infections spreading
• Reduces stigma for everyone

The more we talk about STIs openly, the less power shame has.

You’re doing the right thing

Having an STI doesn’t define you. Being honest, getting treatment, and looking after yourself does say something, that you care.

If you need support, advice, or help telling a partner, Essex Sexual Health Service is here with free, confidential, non-judgemental care. You can order a free STI self-test kit here.